There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
