Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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