So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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