David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
