It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
