so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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