Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
