a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
