I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
