I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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