He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
