So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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