i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
