We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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