no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
