So drunk its hurt
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
