Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize