YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
