Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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