My liver just broke up with me...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
