im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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