I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
