so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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