is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
