update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
