Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
