Your face is a jimmy john
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
