Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
