I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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