yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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