They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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