I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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