Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
