She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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