saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
