so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
