i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
