Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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