I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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