I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
