Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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