upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
