i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
