just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
