as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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