Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
