Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
