I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
