How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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