I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
