The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
