When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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