Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
