When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
