naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
