just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
