If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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