its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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