yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
