margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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