She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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