Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
