dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
