Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
