Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
