when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
