I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
